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Gottman Method Couples Therapy

“At the heart of Gottman Therapy is the belief that every relationship can thrive when we turn toward each other in moments of need, embrace our vulnerabilities, and foster a deep sense of trust and emotional intimacy.” 

— Dr. John Gottman

What is  Gottman Method Couples Therapy?

Gottman Method Couples Therapy, developed by renowned relationship experts John and Julie Gottman, is a research-based approach to couples therapy that addresses relationship issues and fosters healthier communication. Our Vancouver couples therapists, utilizing Gottman Method, help couples strengthen their bond, navigate conflicts, and build a life of shared meaning.

One of the key features of the Gottman Method is its focus on the positive aspects of the relationship. Rather than simply trying to fix what’s broken, the Gottman Method helps couples identify and strengthen the things that are already working well. This approach has been shown to be highly effective in helping couples overcome their differences and build a more satisfying relationship.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are a set of communication styles identified by John and Julie Gottman that can be particularly damaging to a relationship.


  1. Criticism: This occurs when one partner attacks the other’s character or personality, rather than addressing a specific behavior. Criticism can be harmful, as it makes the targeted partner feel defensive and unloved.


  1. Contempt: Contempt is demonstrated through sarcasm, mockery, eye-rolling, or belittling comments. It is the most detrimental of the Four Horsemen, as it conveys disgust and disdain, eroding the foundation of respect in a relationship.


  1. Defensiveness: Defensiveness occurs when one partner refuses to take responsibility for their actions or mistakes, instead blaming their partner or making excuses. This behavior escalates conflicts rather than resolving them.


  1. Stonewalling: Stonewalling is the act of shutting down, withdrawing, or refusing to engage in conversation or address issues. It typically results from feeling overwhelmed or flooded by emotions and can make the other partner feel abandoned and frustrated.


The Gottman Method aims to address these destructive communication patterns by teaching couples the nine principles of the Sound Relationship House Theory. These principles include building love maps, sharing fondness and admiration, turning towards each other, maintaining a positive perspective, managing conflict, supporting life dreams, creating shared meaning, fostering trust, and nurturing commitment. By understanding and practicing these principles, couples can build a deep, enduring friendship that serves as the foundation for a healthy and lasting relationship.


Our Vancouver couples therapists are dedicated to assisting couples in recognizing and substituting these destructive behaviors with healthier alternatives, such as articulating emotions constructively, taking accountability for actions, and actively engaging in empathetic listening with one another.

Lotus Therapy & Counselling Centre's Approach

Our Registered Clinical Counsellors & Therapists in Vancouver & Coquitlam

We take great care in selecting the therapists we hire and only bring on those who embody our values of compassion, curiosity, and openness. We believe that these qualities are essential to creating an environment where our clients can feel safe and supported as they navigate their mental health journey.

Or view our list of counsellors accepting clients

Why Choose Lotus Therapy?

Lotus Therapy & Counselling Centre provides compassionate, trauma-informed care through holistic, evidence-based practices in an inclusive environment, offering flexible scheduling and low-cost options to ensure accessible, quality mental health support.

Compassionate Care in a Safe Space

At Lotus Therapy & Counselling Centre, our highly skilled clinicians provide a safe, inclusive space where compassion and connection foster profound healing and personal growth.

Holistic, Trauma-Informed Approach

We utilize a holistic, trauma-informed approach, integrating mind, body, and nervous system techniques to address core issues and unlock your potential.

Flexible and Accessible Quality Service

Committed to accessible care, we offer flexible appointments, including evenings and weekends, and low-cost options without compromising our evidence-based, quality service.

Downtown Vancouver

938 Howe Street, Suite 703, Vancouver, BC V6Z 1N9.


3030 Lincoln Ave #211, Coquitlam, BC V3B 6B4